Marriages require patience, understanding and respect from both parties. The first months (or even years) may seem effortless but at some point the honeymoon ends and the reality of spending a life together begins. It can be such a gradual progression that it can be a long time before a person realizes that he or she is now a victim of domestic violence in the form of sexual assault. In California, this crime is taken as seriously as it is when the people involved are not married to each other.
There may be other clues that one has tried to ignore in an effort to deny the distressing truth. In the bedroom the distance between being an enthusiastic participant and being too tired does not seem so bad. By the time one has progressed from being too tired, to feeling obliged to submit for the sake of a quiet life, it has gone too far. If one is too frightened to say no to one’s partner, on any issue, then it is time to consider not only what one wants but potentially one’s safety also.
Domestic violence sounds like a physical, brutal thing and it certainly can be. It can also be a very subtle, manipulative process that wears one down over a long period of time. People tend to be less willing to admit to emotional abuse, even if it leads to physical abuse, because it can be difficult for others to understand why it is that saying “no” just does not work.
How do residents of California protect themselves if they can no longer lie to themselves about being a victim of domestic violence? There are organizations that will assist both women and men to bolster their self-esteem, which may have been eroded over a long period of time, and this can help people to gather their courage. One can also seek advice in order to take legal steps, such as applying for an emergency order for protection or a restraining order.
Source: The Huffington Post, I Was Married To A Sex Addict, No author, Feb. 9, 2014
