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The warning signs that trouble lies ahead in divorce

It is never easy to discuss relationship problems. Broaching the subject of divorce can be a minefield for California residents, especially when children form part of the equation. There are some signs that may point to the likelihood of particular difficulties in talking to one's spouse about such matters.

A person whose immediate reaction is anger, rather than sorrow, may quickly become vengeful. This is often because the individual fears feeling, or becoming, vulnerable, which can be triggered by underlying abandonment issues or by a deep-seated belief that one does not deserve love. Such an individual is not above using his or her children as part of the manipulation, referring to "us" instead of "me" and refusing to acknowledge that the divorce is between the adults only. This may be an indication that future attempts at co-parenting will be obstructed.

Divorce is often a scary prospect, even for the spouse who initiates it. The other spouse may begin to use underhanded tactics to exacerbate fears and turn everything into a catastrophe, but not necessarily on the adult. Making things difficult or awkward for the children may be followed by comments that are designed to imply that this is all the fault of the parent who wants to divorce. In addition, there may be a lot of denial: there were never any problems, and he or she has no idea where these issues are coming from. Playing the injured party may be designed to shame one into backing down.

An uncooperative spouse may make it more difficult to negotiate during divorce, but this should not deter a California resident from his or her decision. There are sometimes good reasons to call off proceedings; however, emotional blackmail is not one of them. There are various ways in which one can deal with negative behavior from one's spouse, and it is advisable to seek the appropriate advice so that the divorce can move forward in a more positive way.

Source: chicagonow.com, "Signs of a "Rougher than Average" Divorce", Ann Cerney, Sep. 5, 2017

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